


we never thought that we could lose.

by paleromantic



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Baltimore Reunion, Fluff, M/M, Neil and Andrew are trans bc I say so, Neil has Feelings, Nicky calls out Allison for outing Andreil, Scene Rewrite, Soft feelings, Trans Male Character, Wymack is a big dad, as he should have, i love them, it's good, light light angst, neil and andrew are soft and gay, they love each other okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 15:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleromantic/pseuds/paleromantic
Summary: "What did I tell you about playing the martyr card?" Andrew’s voice was rough, but it was hard for him to look particularly threatening when his hands were holding Neil so tight he could barely move, his cheek pressed into Neil's ruined palm."You said no one wanted it," Neil pointed out with a slight smile. "You didn't tell me to stop."





	we never thought that we could lose.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mittamoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mittamoo/gifts).



> This scene was bugging me, thank u to Luke for the inspiration!

As soon as Andrew’s hands were free of the handcuffs that the FBI agents had put on him, they were on Neil again, tangled up in his shirt like Neil would evaporate like smoke between them. Although, Neil supposed, that wasn’t such an outlandish worry. Slowly, so that Andrew had time to pull away, he raised a hand and took a handful of Andrew’s hoodie to let him know that he wasn’t going anywhere, not until someone made him. He felt the edge of Andrew’s binder under his fingers and moved his hand to stay away from it. Andrew let out a short huff of air that could have been a laugh, but it just missed the mark.

"So the attitude problem wasn't an act, at least." 

"I was going to tell you," Neil said, his voice cracking horribly and causing him to clear his throat. His voice hadn’t squeaked like that since he’d first started on testosterone- he winced at the memory. “I swear, I was.”

"Stop lying to me." Andrew tugged on his shirt just a little, enough to keep Neil’s attention on him. He didn’t need to though, since it wasn’t as if Neil’s attention was anywhere else most of the time.

"I'm not  _ lying _ . I would have told you last night, but they were in our locker room." 

"They who?" Browning asked, eyebrow raised. 

Neil switched to German mid-sentence, ignoring the icy glare that he got from the agents around him and the quiet snort of Wymack, who was standing nearby. He kept his eyes on Andrew’s face, using his blank expression to ground his frayed nerves. "Those weren't  real security guards that came for us. They were there for me, and they would have hurt all of you to get me out of there. I thought by keeping my mouth shut I could keep you safe." 

Neil softened his voice then, and smudged a thumb along Andrew’s cheekbone, gentle enough not to hurt his bruised eye too badly. Guilt, heavy and cold sank in his stomach again, but he pushed it away in favour of cupping Andrew’s jaw. "I didn't know they'd staged a riot." 

"What did I tell you about playing the martyr card?" Andrew’s voice was rough, but it was hard for him to look particularly threatening when his hands were holding Neil so tight he could barely move, his cheek pressed into Neil's ruined palm.

"You said no one wanted it," Neil pointed out with a slight smile. "You didn't tell me to stop." 

"It was implied." 

"I'm stupid, remember? I need things spelled out." Neil’s smile grew, and he saw a muscle jump in Andrew’s jaw. He was fighting a smile- or an Andrew smile equivalent at least.

"Shut up." 

"Am I at ninety-four yet?" Neil kept his voice teasing and light, though the German didn’t exactly lend itself to it- his accent was clumsy from lack of use. 

"You are at one hundred," Andrew growled, and then shook his head slightly. "What happened to your face?" 

Neil’s chest tightened and he cleared his throat, fighting too hard against the oncoming nausea to keep his voice low. "A dashboard lighter." 

Over on the other side of the room, Nicky let out a low wounded noise and Aaron groaned like all the air had been punched out of him. He sensed movement on his left, and then turned to see who had been moving; Nicky had hugged himself tightly and Aaron had moved over to try and comfort him. He felt Andrew’s grip on him tighten as her turned to look at his friends, exposing his burned and raw cheek to them, as well as the freshly stitched cuts on his face. The effect was instantaneous after that- Matt shot to his feet, only held back by Dan’s arms around his waist as Andrew made a noise akin to a snarl. Kevin looked horrified, his hand pressed to his own cheek where Neil knew his own tattoo was. Riko would hate this, for sure, but at least Neil was no longer marked for his bullshit perfect court. Renee covered her mouth and Allison was looking rather green, while Aaron clenched his fists hard on Nicky’s arm.

Matt sounded like he had been smoking all day when he spoke, rough and hoarse. "Jesus, Neil. The fuck did they do to you?" 

Abby took a step forward, seemingly finished with just hovering near the bed before stopping when Andrew pulled Neil closer and turned a glare on her.

"Get away from us," Andrew said. 

"Andrew," Abby kept her voice soft, and Neil would hear the worry in it. "He's hurt. Let me see him." 

"If you make me repeat myself you will not live to regret it." The rage in his voice was almost tangible, but Neil felt nothing but affection for the man. Still though, Abby didn’t deserve it so Neil tugged his hair gently once, twice. Andrew kept his glare steady on the woman, but eventually Neil was able to get him to look back at him, and kept his attention there with his hands on one side of the man’s face again, the other twisted firmly into his hair. 

"Abby, I just got out of the hospital," Neil told her softly, not taking his eyes off Andrew’s face even though Abby was standing right there. "I'm as good as I can be right now." 

"Neil," Abby pleaded gently. 

"I’m fine." Neil stressed. He wasn’t sure if she stepped away then or not, but he had other things to worry about. "Did they tell you who I am?" 

"They didn't have to. I choked the answers out of Kevin on the way here." Neil widened his eyes at that- He hadn’t thought that Andrew would ever hurt Kevin, not on purpose. "Guess you weren't an orphan after all. Where is your father now?" 

"My uncle executed him," Neil said, moving the hand that was placed on Andrew’s pale cheek to place it over his heart. He could feel the man’s heartbeat, betraying his calm exterior and a smile twitched at his lips. "I spent my whole life wishing he would die, but I thought he never would. I thought he was invincible. I can't believe it was that easy." 

"Was it easy?" Andrew kept his question blunt, and Neil appreciated it. He wasn’t sure if he could handle pity, he was almost certain that if he was allowed he would fall apart. Andrew had always been good at keeping him together until he could hold himself together again, though. "Kevin told us who he worked for." 

Andrew was smart enough to leave names out of it, and Neil found himself nodding in response. "My uncle said he was going to them to try and negotiate a ceasefire. I don't know if he's strong enough to bargain with them, but I'd like to think he wouldn't have risked it without real ground to stand on. Promise me no one's told the FBI about them." 

"No one's said a word to them since they said we couldn't see you." Andrew huffed another not-laugh. “Your secret is safe with them, junkie.”

Neil's chest was heavy with shame, but the thought of the foxes defending him when he had done nothing but worry them made him almost smile again. "But  _ why _ ? I've done nothing but lie to them. I willingly put them all in danger so I could play a little longer. They got hurt last night because of me. Why would they protect me now?" 

"You are a Fox," Andrew said, like it was the only answer that mattered. Something warm settled inside of Neil, at the same time that something else rattled loose. He was a Fox. That was it, but if those FBI agents had their way then he wouldn’t be for long. He dropped his voice again, allowing a hint of panic to creep into his voice.

"Andrew, they want to take me away from here. They want to enroll me in the Witness Protection Program so my father's people can't find me. I don't want—" he started, before insecurity rooted in his chest and he swallowed hard. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go." 

It would kill him to leave, but they didn’t need to know that. They would lose the season, but eventually they would move on without him- Neil blinked as Andrew tugged his shirt harder, forcing him to look at him. Distantly, he remembered the bite of metal digging into his palm in the hallway of the Columbia house, the sound of Andrew telling him to stay. He reached out blindly again, and caught his hand on Andrew’s sleeve, holding on for dear life.

"You aren't going anywhere," Andrew reminded him, the same promise that he had made months before, a different time. Neil tucked the words into his chest, under his heart, and kept them there. He had switched to English then, and Neil could tell why. He was doing what Andrew did best; he was starting a fight. "You're staying with us. If they try to take you away they will lose." 

"Take you away," Dan raised an eyebrow, and then her voice. "To where?" 

"Are we talking about 'away for some questioning' or 'away for good'?" Matt chimed in, raising an eyebrow.  

"Both," Browning shook his head, ignoring their outrage.

"You can't have him," Nicky frowned, looking up from where he had been holding himself. "He belongs with us." 

"When people find out he is still alive they will come for him," Browning reminded them, and Neil’s stomach flipped. It wouldn’t have been unreasonable for them to want him to leave, not with the amount of trouble he had brought on them already. "It’s not safe for him here anymore, and it sure as hell isn't safe for you. It is better for everyone if he disappears." 

"What part of 'go to hell' do you need us to explain to you?" Allison stood up, and then crossed her arms. 

"We're all legal adults here," Matt added, all the cheer that was usually in his voice gone. "We've already made our decision. Unless he wants to stay with you, you'd better bring Neil back to us when you're done with all your questions." 

" _ 'Neil' _ isn't a real person," Browning snapped, seemingly having lost patience with their bickering. "It's just a cover that let Natalie evade authorities. It's past time to let him go." 

"His name is Neil, asshole." Nicky said, more vitriol in his voice than Neil thought he had ever heard before. "He's ours, and we're not letting him go. You want us to vote on it or something? Bet you it'll be unanimous." 

"Coach Wymack, talk some sense into your team," Browning shook his head.

"Neil," Wymack’s voice was heavy with worry, and grief, and Neil dragged his eyes up to the man’s face. The look in his eyes spoke volumes; the man might have been Kevin’s biological father, but he had been more than a father figure to all of them. Neil forced down the feelings that thought brought up, and focused on what he was saying."Talk to me. What do you want?" 

Neil’s thoughts came out jumbled- like shards of broken glass, they all had to go silent to try and piece them together. "I want—I know I shouldn't stay, but I can't—I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose any of you. I don't want to be her anymore. I want to be Neil for as long as I can." 

"Good," Wymack said, offering him a gruff laugh and a smile. "I'd have a hell of a time fitting 'Wesninski' on a jersey, kid." 

Browning pinched the bridge of his nose. Neil might have been driving him to an early retirement, at the rate they were going. "I would like a word with you." 

"What do we have to talk about?" 

"Your willingness to put your players in considerable danger, for one." 

"Giving up on Neil now goes against everything we are," Wymack stated, his tone firm. "I'm game to argue with you about it for as long as it takes, but not if it means using up Neil's allotted time. That's not fair to any of them." 

Andrew lazily spoke in German, keeping his hands tangled in the fabric of Neil’s hoodie. "Get rid of them before I kill them." 

"They're waiting for answers," Neil reminded him gently. "They were never able to charge my father while he was alive. They're hoping I know enough to start decimating his circle in his absence. I'm going to give them the truth, or as much of it as I can without telling them my father was acting on someone's orders. Do you want to be there for it? It's the story I should have given you months ago." 

"I have to go," Andrew shrugged. "I don't trust them to give you back." 

Andrew grudgingly let go of him as they got to their feet, Neil’s movements awkward and stuff from pain. Once he was on his feet though, he turned to give Wymack a small smile.

"I'm so sorry," he said in English. "I should have told you, but I couldn't." 

"Don't worry about that right now," Wymack shook his head, and then patted his shoulder as gently as he could- It still stung, but Neil appreciated it nonetheless. "Twenty minutes isn't near long enough for this conversation. We can talk about it on the ride back to campus, right?" 

"Yes," Neil nodded for emphasis. "I promise. I just have to talk to them first." 

"Then go," Dan said, and then leaned over to kiss Neil on the forehead where the skin was mostly unruined. "But come back to us as soon as they're done with you, okay? We'll figure this out as a team." 

"As a  _ family _ ." Nicky attempted a smile in Neil’s direction, and it lifted Neil’s spirits more than he thought it would. The Foxes’- His  _ family’s _ \- forgiveness warmed him from the inside out, threatening to burn him alive as he basked in it. He saw similar expressions on everyone else’s faces- even Aaron had something akin to grim worry etched into his face.

"Thank you," he said. Allison waved him off, her flippant action not quite matching the tense, serious expression on her face. When she spoke, she kept her tone light.

"No, thank  _ you _ , Josten. You just closed three outstanding bets and made me five hundred bucks," She grinned brightly when Neil raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. "I'd rather find out exactly why and when you two hooked up than think about this awfulness any longer, so let's talk about that on the ride back instead." 

Aaron’s gaze snapped up, and when neither Andrew nor Neil moved to deny it his eyes widened slightly and he gritted his jaw together. Neil would talk to him later, but he was quickly distracted as Nicky spoke. It took him a while to find the words, as he digested his shock but eventually he turned to address Allison.

“Allison, that’s not funny.”

Allison frowned, and raised an eyebrow at him. “What? It’s true. They’re  _ totally  _ fucking.”

Nicky glanced at Neil and Andrew, and then shook his head. “And you really had to out them in front of everyone?”

Neil raised an eyebrow. He didn’t think he could remember Nicky seriously arguing with anyone before, much less Allison.

Allison furrowed her brow. “What?”

“You outed them, we didn’t- it was a stupid fucking  _ bet _ , Allison. You should have waited for them to tell us.”

The room was tense again, although it was for a very different reason to why it was tense before. Nicky and Allison continued their stand-off, until Renee chimed in quietly. 

“Nicky is right, we should have allowed Neil and Andrew to come and tell us when they were ready.”

Nicky shook his head. “It’s too late for that now, though. Once you’re out, you can never really go back in.”

Neil’s stomach turned. Nicky had had a lot of experience with that, he knew. Still, Neil didn’t have enough energy left to deal with continuing that particular conversation, so he just looked at Andrew and said, "We can talk about all of that later. Ready?" 

"Waiting on you," Andrew tugged on his sleeve, wrapped his hand in it. It was like they were holding hands, almost. 

"I didn't invite him," Browning reminded them all.

"Trust me," Wymack said, his voice weary with experience. "You'll fare a lot better if you take them both." 

Browning seemed to weigh his options out quickly, shaking his head with a huff. "We're leaving now, then." 

As they made their way to the door, Wymack reached out and put his hand on Neil’s arm. Neil didn’t even flinch. "We'll wait for you, all right? As long as it takes, Neil." 

Browning led them down to a black SUV that was stalling in the parking lot, and Andrew helped Neil to get in before sliding into the seat beside him. Neil felt lie he was finally catching his breath, and he breathed out in German. "Can I really be Neil?" 

"I told Neil to stay," Andrew told him, firmly. "Leave your old self buried in Baltimore with his father." 

Neil wasn’t sure if that was possible, but he allowed himself to pretend it was. Andrew seemed to believe it was anyway- Neil trusted Andrew. He swallowed hard and then edged his hand across the seat, brushing his fingers against Andrew’s and making the man reach for his hand. With his other hand, he traced a jagged ket into his palm.

"Neil Abram Josten," Neil reminded himself sorry, and it tasted like a pipedream come true.


End file.
